so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
