Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
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