So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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