so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
