I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
