I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
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