Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
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