There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
