i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
