Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
