i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
