She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
