do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
