He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
