Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
