He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
