the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
