I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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