They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
