just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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