Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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