Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
