I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
