I didn't shave. On purpose
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
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