she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
