by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
