Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
