she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize