Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
