Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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