Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i came on her dog
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
