the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
sex in a hospital.. check
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
