i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Randomize
