she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
