and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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