This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
