i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
