I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
