Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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