Please, let me fuck your mom
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
4 words: hood of his car
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
