He kissed a someone with a penis
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
