My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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