hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
