Already got asked if we're dating
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
