R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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