Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
