Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
