That's intense
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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