piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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