I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
