Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
