'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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