I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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