Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
