While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
