so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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