She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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