Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
