was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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