my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
