Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
