I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
