This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
People in love make me want to vomit
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
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He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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