Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
