It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
