So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
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