when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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