3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
