He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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