So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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