Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
